You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2009.
I'm fifty, and I like to kick and stretch!
One who wishes to stay fashionable must also stay in shape. It’s the law. Just ask Karl.
To maintain my breathtaking physique I rely on protein sachets, ample viewings of Big Medicine and thrice-daily yoga sessions with a portly pinniped swami who goes by Rajneesh. If you ask me, Rajneesh may want to trade in oily fish for a vegetable now and again!
While I appreciate the physical prowess of my classmates, I refuse to believe that a love of stretching need be exclusive of a love of style. A suit made in a seer-sucker/lycra blend adds flexibility to my fashion!
Lacking in Xmas Xtreme
I’m all for getting swept up in holiday cheer, but to me there is nothing more depressing than doing it half-heartedly. Our friend Toby came to us looking like an alcoholic shopping center Santa. O Holy Night!!!!
When the Fashion Grinch swoops in to steal Christmas, there is only one defense. Liberace’s Christmas costume. Liberace and tinsel, could anything out-sparkle that?
Festive and Fabulous!
Somebody pour some butter on that thing!
No one does the interpretive/interactive dance movement more justice than Popcorn Chicken. His freestyle staccato motion is accompanied by his madcap beak-boxing. And to put the proverbial cherry on the sundae, audience participation is a must!
Straight off a twenty-seven year run at Circus Circus, Popcorn Chicken lights up the stage with shabby-Vegas dazzle. If you love Carrot Top, you are unlikely to be disappointed.
The Prince of Pink
As we continue our tour of Bjorn Flugelhorn’s residence, what better place to visit than the infamous dressing room? The penultimate chill out room, Bjorn’s boudoir has been both the launching and landing pad for many stratospheric (and catastrophic) Hollywood soiree.
Get here early enough on a Saturday night and you will find a bevy of beauties getting red-carpet ready. Get here early enough on a Sunday afternoon and you will find the same lot, undoing themselves in spectacular fashion.
The room does have its limits. Late last year, Flugelhorn declared it a No Lo (as in Lohan) zone. In a statement to the press he said “Darlings I do love a trainwreck, but I draw the line at the Hindenburg. Simply too much explosive gas.”
Mortifying. Simply Mortifying.
Does your lack of thumbs inhibit your ability to dress yourself properly? Do you need some guidance with your garb? Well look no further! Institute stylist Filamena Finklestein is currently offering free makeovers to passe pets, dowdy dogs and slovenly slow lorises.
Simply post your picture to instituteofanimalhaberdashery@gmail.com, relax with a glass of Dubonnet, and wait for the results!
Hot Dog!
A while back we got a sneak peek at Bjorn Flugelhorn’s living room. Now, the hotly anticipated spread of photographs has been published in the Tuvalu edition of Vogue Living. For those of you unable to get your hands on this rag, we will bring you the photos here.
Thank you for the music...
Monotremes, meaning the Platypus and the Echidna, are wonders of nature. Like all Australians, these egg-laying mammals have a love for ABBA, although they take their fandom to levels unrivaled in the rest of the animal kingdom.
For instance, did you know that all monotremes are named Anni-Frid, Bjorn, Benny or Agnetha? And all monotreme pets are named Fernando and Chiquitita? It makes for an organizational nightmare, roll calls are impossible, and monotreme dog parks are a veritable smorgasbord of lost pets.
Monotremes like nothing better than to sit back in an eggchair, plug their giant headphones into the hi-fi, and silently weep at the heart-wrenching lyrics of The Winner Takes It All. Or, when in a social mood, to get physical to the pounding beats of Dancing Queen.
The Propaganda in Question
AHHHHHH! Imagine my dismay when the above hate-mongering manifesto hit my desk this week! Don’t people have anything better to do than propagate lies with venomous literature? I’m all for free speech, but if ever I were to take part in a book burning, this would be the tome to torch.
Faced with such anathema, I was forced to issue a counter-declaration:
Tut Tut! Porcupines LOVE pajamas!
Before: Feeling slightly under-dressed
Take our latest applicant, Stella, whose attempt at a paper napkin hat was nothing if not inspired. But what good is an accessory without an outfit to accesorize?
Stylist Filamena Finklestein took inspiration from Stella’s nautical hat and created the following look:
Stella Bella!
I've had the time of my life... and I owe it all to you.
May your fancies be tickled and your livers be pickled!
